Many think I’m just some ex-boyfriend who wants to manipulate his ex-girlfriend and try to control what she thinks. There are many relationships like that out there, I could name a few if If I wanted to. Anyways, I believe that I’m not like those other guys. I’m not being persistent to control my ex, it’s because I know her inside and out and want her to make the best decision for herself on her own. Not what people tell her is the best decision, people can give advice but it’s up to oneself on what they want to do with it. She’s currently trying to make herself a better woman, an independent one and to be honest with you, I admire that. It’s not easy to come to admit that you’re not independent and being able to take matters into your own hands takes a lot of courage. However, I can’t say I agree with her decision of splitting up to be her own. I wish she had looked more at our own relationship, and me as a person instead of what could’ve ended up like the other relationships out there that were going downhill. I really do think if she took more time to think about the breakup, the outcome would be more rational and better for the both of us. She believed that if she came back then she wouldn’t have any respect for herself. I can see why she’d think that because a majority of girls that go back to their cheating boyfriends keep going back and the same incident keeps occurring; leading to a seemingly endless cycle. That’s not my case, I’ve learned my lesson the hard way and now know the true pain cheating can bring to someone and after seeing what it can do to a person, I never want to be responsible for such emotions of betrayal and sorrow. I knew it hurt to have someone cheat on you but I never imagined it was to this degree, but on the bright side this experience is more than enough to make sure I never allow this to happen again. If she came back to try again, it wouldn’t mean that she doesn’t respect herself; it means that she came back because she believed in something, that she believed in us, that she believed in me. 

But I can’t put all the blame on her because I am the reason why all these feelings were stimulated inside her. I hurt her badly, scarred even you could say. She told me she didn’t want to put much effort into something that could possibly hurt her again, I know my actions led to her doubting who I really was, but if anyone knows me the best; it’s her. She knows me as someone who would never intentionally harm anyone in any way shape for form, and that part of me stayed constant. I know my choices probably makes the image of the real me blurry to her, but I know she’s smart and capable enough to clear up that image again and see that it is genuine. I made a mistake, who doesn’t? But we can’t just pick up our bags and go when the going gets tough. I’m not a bad person, just someone who was stupid at the wrong time. I’ve told her the same thing in the past, “things will be different and this was the last chance I needed.” That was my mistake. Instead of repeating those words I really should have told her why it was going to be different and why she should’ve believed in me one last time. Maybe if I gave her legitimate reasons as to why this time would be different than the last, she’d still be in my arms at this moment. Then again we are only human, the thought of her leaving me clouded my head and prevented me from thinking logically and rationally. The same probably goes for her, the idea of me cheating and lying multiple times about the concert, maybe those dark images clouded her from thinking properly as well. What’s in the past cannot be changed but I do believe that if she took the time to see that I really was doing everything in order to be better for her, to prove to her that this one time was going to be different, maybe things would have worked out. However, I can’t be mad at her for not looking at that side. When the person you love and care for the most cheats on you, it’s not easy to look at the other details, I get that completely. I have to be considerate on how she’s feeling because no woman, especially at this age, deserves to go through the pain and confusion that I put her through. What I do know though is she’s tough, smart, someone who isn’t easy to keep knocked down, I know time will heal her and I know her love for me is still strong. I hope she knows its okay for her to show that love, I know shes still in the healing process but she doesn’t have to suppress what she feels to heal any faster. I want her to know that even if we’re broken up we don’t need to avoid each other. Maybe in the past weeks, that’d be a good idea, but I’ve gotten to a point where I could run into her in person and still be able to say hi with a genuine smile on my face. 

Call me crazy, say I’m in denial, but I really do believe her and I are supposed to be together still. She may be 16 and I may be 18 but realistically age doesn’t mean that much; it’s about the maturity level. And even though she was such a goofball during our relationship I could just tell that she was a mature, loving, and one strong woman, and she’s only going to get stronger from this. Luckily for me, this loss has given me the push to grow up and be a smarter adult. I now know that fun has it’s limits, and priorities should always come first; whether it’s school or your lover. You should really appreciate those that are dear to you before it’s too late, for me it was my girlfriend. She was my best friend, she really made me feel a type of way no other person ever made me feel. She made me feel like my flaws were perfections, that my scrawny physique was as manly as possible, that my slow processing mind was one of a genius. She truly is the epitome of love in itself. I pray that soon she’ll allow me to give her the experience she once gave me, because no matter how young or old you are, its a feeling everyone deserves to experience once in their life and I feel that I’m the best candidate to be able to show her how much of a princess she really is. I don’t think me being in college and her being in high school still would really make that much of a difference in our relationship. Honestly, she’s been so good to me I would let her go to her dances with other guy’s because I trust her 100%. There are some things you can only experience in high school and I wouldn’t even consider getting in the way of those memories. I broke her trust after that party, at first it seemed almost impossible for me to earn it back. But the time away from each other has shown me that it is indeed possible, I hope she learns to see that I’m willing to do what it takes to earn her trust back. I hope she sees that me doing this doesn’t mean she’s holding me back from living my life. Honestly, I’ve already gotten to live the party life and I’ve decided it just isn’t the life for me. I’d much rather focus on school and work while also being able to settle down with my lover than getting shit-faced drunk at 2am in some frat house. And even if I were to go to a party, I’d rather go to one with her, I’d rather let her drink and watch her have fun while I have a beer or two. I’d rather be the guy who takes care of his girl while she has the time of her life instead of it being the other way around. Mainly because she’s basically taken care of me the whole relationship, I’d like to experience the other end of the spectrum this time. 

If she ever were to put her trust into me again, I know for a fact that I wouldn’t do anything to risk breaking that trust ever. Why am I so confident that I won’t make a mistake like that again? Because the pain I’ve felt from her absence in these past 3 weeks and the idea that I broke her heart single-handedly was just too much for me to bear. I don’t ever again want to see somebody I love suffer from myself being at fault. She means a lot more to me than she could ever possibly imagine, which is unfortunate but okay at the same time. The opportunity to show her just how much I love her is more than enough for me. She wants to stick with this decision because she’s been indecisive in the past, she want’s to be an independent woman, I respect that I really do. I’m proud she’s come to that realization. But I just can’t agree that this was the right time to make that shift nor was this decision truly hers; there are other ways she can go about being independent. I wish she took just a little more time to consider those other options. I really wish she looked at why things would be different, I wish she listened to herself instead of what people told her to do, I hope she’ll realize someday that I really loved (still do) her, and that she really loved me. I wish she believed in us just a little more, that’s all that was needed for us to build anew from the wreckage that I created. I told Bill to be the best date possible for her since I couldn’t be in that position. It took a lot of courage for me to do that because shoot, I wanted to be the one to take her to homecoming and make an everlasting memory with her. I was really looking forward to seeing her in the dress I bought her and for all I know, she probably got rid of it, but I don’t think she did because she’s not like that. In the end, I just want her to be happy. There are days and nights where I wonder what she’s thinking, wondering if she misses me like I miss her. I’ve always wanted to take her to the view in Scripps, open my sunroof and lay our seats back and just stargaze together. This is one date I’ve always wanted to take her on, which is why I asked once more if she would like to go with me to the view. Like she once told me, I’ll always look back at that one star in the night sky and wonder how it’s doing. I still believe my star is still there and I hope she realizes that her star misses her dearly and will always be waiting for her to return when she’s ready. 

I really wanted to have the opportunity to meet her mother as her boyfriend too, I feel horrible knowing she experienced 10months of the happiest times in her life and her family just never got the chance to know why. There are many things I still wish to do with her, Disneyland, a nice starry night lit picnic, a cute little date at night in Balboa, the list goes on. But instead of listing them I’d rather have the chance to show her one by one. I hope she understands that I didn’t block her off social media because I wanted to cut her off, I did it because every time I saw anything related to her I just missed her terribly; I did it for my own well being. And the derpy photos of me and her, I couldn’t bring myself to delete them. I stored them on a flash drive and I’m having a friend hold it for me, as well as the pictures, gifts, and memories we had. I put those in a box and am currently looking for someone to hold onto those for me. I hope she at least doesn’t delete any of the posts of us, on her private or her main. As much as it makes me miss her, I’m keeping all of mine. She was and is a lot more special to me than Tien ever was and I just don’t ever want to forget her. Even now I still don’t want to be apart from her. On the bright side, I’ve been a lot better since our breakup. I’m able to sleep in my own bed now and actually go home without being sad every second of it. Sometimes when I’m at work I imagine her coming in and being the little weirdo she always was, maybe even throw some encouraging or complimenting words at me. She kept telling me that I need this time to find myself and better myself, but some just heal a lot faster than others. I’ve learned a lot throughout these past 3 weeks, philosophically and emotionally. I’ve also taken the time to join a lot of clubs, I’m in VSA (Vietnamese student association), APSA (Asian Pacific student association), and guess what? CIRCLE K!!!! Surprising right HAHA, I decided to give community service another shot since I gave up on that long ago. Believe it or not, she was actually a big influence on why I joined just because I wanted to experience her passion for service since It’s been a long time since I’ve felt that way about Kiwanis and their organization. A lot of me has changed, and I think for the better. 

I also realized that I REALLY should not have tried to force her to rush the process, and I feel terribly sorry for doing that. I know time would help but knowing her, I also knew time would drift her further from me. I knew she would use this time to enforce her decision instead of truly taking the time to think it over. Just because one thinks it over doesn’t mean they’re making the wrong decision, I’d rather her have me wait while she thinks things over, instead of having me wait and her just using that time to push me further and further away. I wasn’t trying to rush the process to tell her the way she feels isn’t right. I’m not trying to tell her what she wants, I’m trying to get her to take a glance at the painful side of things that she keeps suppressing. The What ifs; what if things will be different and better, what if Remy is changing since the last times he’s messed up. I just want her to take that risk that she’s so afraid of, I know she’s afraid of being hurt again, but I want her to look through my words and see the true meaning; I never want to harm her in the way I did ever again. If there was a sure way for me to guarantee her that no pain like she’s experienced will come across again, I SO WOULD. But all I can supply are my words and the actions that follow. I just have to pray she’ll believe in those words once again because that faith is all I need to get this relationship back on track. And I KNOW that if she gives me the chance I’ll make things right and will not allow myself to mess up so badly again. Sometimes I can’t help but feel like she didn’t think about our breakup all the way through, not to put blame on her but I don’t think she herself thought it over, she let other people tell her what to do and made her decision based on their experiences. 

But I do understand how she felt at the time, she must’ve hated herself for thinking that I actually changed, she must’ve felt so betrayed finding out I kept the lies about the concert going for 3 months. I was wrong to do that to her, I can’t be upset that we broke up two days after the party because, to her, she probably saw those 3 months as a complete lie and that alone must’ve been extremely overwhelming to take in. But I want her to know and see that those 3 months were not lies, It was just that concert that was a blur to her, it was blurry because I kept twisting her image of it, I’m sorry for that. It wasn’t right and I should’ve known it wasn’t right. However, when I told her I’d never cheat again, that was the truth and I stuck my word to that; I was never going to even consider doing anything with another girl that I would normally do with her. I told her I would try harder in the relationship, that was also the truth; that night I took her to see fireworks for her first time, I remember that date vividly. That was the night my fire was rekindled for her, I remember the feeling I had when I dropped her off and the hours I spent thinking about her when I got home; I realized that I was in love with this girl. I will continue to pray that she sees that those 3 months of our relationship wasn’t a lie, it was just that concert that I wasn’t mature enough to own up to. I wasn’t a man when it came to the biggest detail, I pray she comes to see that I’ve realized that and will utilize it to make sure history doesn’t repeat itself.

 I don’t believe she was wrong for feeling how she felt, don’t get me wrong. Her feelings were all over the place and I’m not mad at her for that at all, I can’t be. She told me: “if you loved me, you wouldn’t have cheated.” But If I didn’t love her, would I go through hell and back to fight for her and get her back? As much as I hate to sound like I don’t consider how she feels, that’s not the case. She wasn’t considering that I really was trying to take steps in order to legitimately change this time. What I was doing differently was actually taking action instead of just repeating the same words to her, despite the fact that that was all I did the first week but keep in mind that I could not think straight at that time. She says she sees how much I love her and if that’s the case I wish she was able to set aside everything going on at the time, just for a second, and just think; this guy did mess up, he lied to me. But something seems different, he’s still trying. Why hasn’t he given up even though I’ve already broken up with him? Why would he be doing all this just so he could make the same mistake again, it just doesn’t make sense. If you loved me, you would at least try to work this out one last time, look at both sides, consider what we would leave behind and why; instead of saying “everything happens for a reason.” I honestly see that as an excuse because you couldn’t tell me why things wouldn’t work out. You couldn’t give me reasons as to why my efforts would do nothing. But I can’t allow those reasons to justify my wrongdoings, in the end, she believed I changed when she took me back the first time, I really thought I did too. So when the last lie came out she probably looked at the whole timespan of when that lie was going on, she must’ve really beat herself down for allowing someone to play her like that. When she took me back, I guess I really didn’t change… and what sucks the most is that I finally saw my mistakes and was able to change it; but it was just too late because I already hurt her down to the core. I just want her to know that she’s not the stupid one for believing I changed. I’m the idiot for not changing when I had all the opportunities too. She’s not stupid because she trusted me, I’m stupid for toying with that trust. Trust isn’t something that someone can easily give to you, the idea that she trusted me even after what I did just shows how forgiving she was, how much she genuinely loved me and wanted this to work. I’ll keep praying that that part of her is still present and still functions, because I know if she believes in us just a tiny bit, our flower will be able to bloom once more. If I could tell her one thing right now, it’d be: don’t beat yourself for believing in someone. Don’t hate yourself for loving, if anything, hate Remy for losing himself. You did everything you could to help him, but in the end, it was up to him to see what he could lose, to see that he needed to change himself for the better. I’m sorry I couldn’t change when I needed to and I’m sorry for making you feel so stupid. Remember, you’re not stupid; you’re nothing but amazing, loving, and extremely strong and the pain you went through is a prime example of it. Don’t let my mistake bring down your self-worth. But my mistake doesn’t mean I didn’t treasure you, the smaller things just managed to blind me from what was actually important; but now I’m finally able to see what matters to me again. That’s you. If you look at me now, the effort and faith you put towards me didn’t go to waste, it assisted me in strengthening the morals I always had, gave me the glasses to finally see habits that would ruin me if I kept following them. Even though you may see me as someone who’s changed for the worst, I know in due time you’ll see that the Remy you learned to love was here the entire time, he just wandered down the wrong path and got lost for a little; but he finally found his way out and he’s back with a whole lot of knowledge and experience under his belt. (back to third person) 

It’s not what we left behind that broke me down during the past 3 weeks, it’s what we could’ve built together had we stayed. I believed in us since day 1 and I still do, I just feel that she didn’t when we needed it the most. BUT she did believe in us all the way through until the very end, so I acknowledge that and will not allow myself to forget that. Again, I’m not saying this breakup was all her fault, NOT AT ALL. But a relationship takes effort from both sides, willingness to stand through hardships together, the mutual need to work things out, and most importantly; faith. I don’t doubt the faith, resilience, or love that she had for me. But I do feel as if she did and currently is trying to suppress those feelings we once had in order to rush this process of healing. Also, she was the side of the relationship that always had faith and always believed things could be worked out. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize that and didn’t believe like she did until she finally left. I don’t know if she sees it, but I’m truly in love with her, and as shallow as this sounds; nobody is going to love her like I do, nobody is going to go through all this to show the love they have for her like I am currently. I lost someone who cared about me and gave me everything I wanted, someone who sacrificed their own wishes for the wellbeing of mine. For her, she might lose someone who treasures her as their world and wanted to really change himself just so he can be blessed with the opportunity to be her lover again. One who’s willing to acknowledge his mistakes and utilize them to be the boyfriend she deserved since the 22nd of November in 2016. Notice I said might, because he’s still here and fighting for what he truly believes is worth all these tears, lonely nights, and clouds of regret and guilt hanging around him. He’s still waiting because he believes that this love didn’t appear out of thin air just to be forgotten 10months down the line. I promised to refrain from subtweeting her, saying cute things to her, and most importantly not to take my own life. I love her more than enough to keep those promises, I’ve fought every suicidal thought I’ve had to the point where I see a therapist weekly now. I used to shitpost on my private account but I’ve deleted all of them because I’ve realized they serve literally no purpose. I hope she keeps her promise of giving me one more chance, I really hope she does. I’m not going to live my life solely around that promise but what I do know is I’m not giving up on it. I was raised to fight for what I believe in, and no matter how hard it is; as long as I think it’s worth it, keep pushing through. 

I was right to keep fighting for her but I approached it in the wrong way. Instead, I will wait on the sidelines and see if time allows her to see what she really wants, and what I see. I won’t force any of my opinions on her anymore because I know she’s smart and independent enough to see these things on her own. I kept trying to force her to see what I saw because I didn’t believe our love alone was strong enough for her to realize this on her own. But that was another mistake of mine. I’ve now realized that I do believe our love is immensely strong and I do believe that it’s strong enough to get through to her without me needing to constantly enforce it. I believe in our relationship more than she could ever imagine it’s so crazy that even I’m shocked by it LOL. I pray every night that she comes to a realization that our relationship is what she really wants. I hope she knows that all the things she wants to do now aren’t impossible to achieve while in a relationship with me. My aunt’s are the most independent women I can think of, and they’re both married! I want her to know that just because one is committed to a relationship does not mean they cannot learn to be independent. Being single is not the only way nor is it any easier! And sure it won’t be an overnight change but I know she’s able to do it, I believe she can accomplish anything she sets her mind to, she’s proven it to me before (cough her AP exam scores smh). I know she’s scared to put in that effort into commitment again but if that’s the case then I’m more than willing to make up the effort for her until she’s ready to stand up on her own again. That’s what a relationship is all about, being able to walk your partner through their hard times and pick them right back up when they’re ready! Not constantly trying to make them happy at the cost of your own. That isn’t the main focus, the important part of a relationship is knowing you will always have someone to rely on when it feels like the world is against you; this alone can bring happiness to each partner in the relationship. That’s what she was for me and I only wish to treat her the same way in return. 

If she ever doubts that I loved her because of what I did, I want her to just take a second to think about how hard I tried to fight for her. Look at William: he lost Jene (well left) and remained the same, kept drinking and partying and trying to get at other girls not even considering how Jene felt. Aaron literally acts like he doesn’t know what he did wrong, and believes Cecilia just left him for no reason. Me? I turned into the man I should’ve been for her, I owned up to all my faults and instead of using them to drive me to my death I learned to turn them towards becoming stronger and a better man for her and myself. I put aside my wants and needs and took the time to truly understand what she is going through, why she’s thinking the way she is, why she doesn’t want to keep going. I considered how she felt about everything and set aside how I felt for once. I learned to not take things for granted and also finally was able to see who my real friends were. I learned a number of lessons and came to multiple realizations ever since she left. I hope she learns to see this change in me, I hope she believes that things won’t be the same, they’ll be better. Instead of her suggesting the best thing is to move on, I just wish she’d see that this relationship is all I want right now. I have a nice car, a job, caring friends, and family, but it just doesn’t feel complete without her by my side. I just want her to see that I’m not solely dependent on her now, I can go a month without talking to her if she’s busy, as long as I know she loves me and is there to support me no matter the obstacle, I’m content. I want to be able to supply what she supplied me, so she can truly experience what it’s like to have someone who will love her no matter her flaws, will always lend their shoulder for her to cry on when she feels like breaking down, someone who will help guide her when she feels like she doesn’t know where to turn to. I love the memories and small things we did together, but that’s not what’s important to me. It’s the endless support and reassurance we can provide for each other, someone I know will endure the hardships alongside me. I see this breakup as an obstacle where if we are capable of overcoming it, our bond will be stronger than it ever was. I see this as a wall we both must be able to climb over together, we don’t know what’s on the other side of it but as long as we have each other and believe, as long as we have that faith in each other, we cannot fail. 

Failure doesn’t give you a reason to give up, as long as you believe. I just want her to believe. We don’t know where life will take us, and we can’t control it. But what we can control are the risks that we’re willing to take in order to find something greater. For me, that risk is putting my faith in her and waiting until she sees she can put her faith in me. It could take weeks, months, maybe days if I’m lucky, but however long the wait is I know it will be worth it in the end. It’s like how some people put their in faith in God, I believe if I put my faith in this relationship then it will work out and I’m sure things cannot go wrong. I’m 18, this is my first heartbreak. Many have told me I have a lot to experience, but they just don’t understand that I know this is what I want and I know it won’t affect me being able to live my life how I want to. I know she’s scared that If we get back together we’ll just fall back into the same cycle and end up becoming too dependent on each other or that I’ll lie to her once again. If she’s afraid of that, let’s not let it happen then. We may be human but we’re still in control of what our actions are. We’re both aware of that possibility now, meaning we’re even more prepared to patch up the holes in our ship and prevent them from opening again. When I say that we can still experience the things we want even if we’re together; it’s not wishful thinking. It’s me believing in us, and I really do see that there’s part of her that wants to believe with me. I’ve finally been able to reach the point where I still cry looking at pictures of her, but I’m able to smile while doing so. I’m finally able to cry tears of joy at the sight of her and not bawl tears of regret. I truly believe that I have changed and have finally become the Remy I should’ve been months ago. Most cheaters just don’t learn from what they do or even acknowledge what they did was wrong. Hopefully one day she’ll see that I’m not like those other guys, that I’m no longer the naive boy who hurt her, but the grown man who is ready to treat her the way she has always deserved. I want her to know that no matter what, broken up or not, If she ever has the impulse to call me, I will answer. I will never decline a call from her unless I’m on the pooper and its diarrhea, BUT HAHA in all seriousness; I’m just one call away. If she misses me I will drive to her and park in front of her house just so she can see me through her window. I don’t want to let her be the one that got away. In time she will realize that I genuinely want the opportunity to treat her right, to love her as a best friend, as a lover, and as Remy Huynh. 

Hopefully, she’ll come to the same realization that I came to: the one that loved and cared for me the most was standing right in front of me this whole time.

I’ll continue to pray every night that she’ll realize this, I’ll continue to be that pillar in the background that keeps her up during low times, I’ll continue to admire her and love her when she feels like no one else will, I’ll continue to believe in us even when she might not, I’ll continue to believe that she loves me enough to realize we might have a bright future together and that this jump into unknown waters may be the best decision of her life. 

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Why am I willing to take this risk? Well, the answer is simple.

I’m In Love With Her. 

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I’m miserable, Ivy. I haven’t slept in 2 days and I’m restless without you. My days have never felt so empty and meaningless before. Whenever I finish school or a long day I just come home and drown in my own sorrow. I used to look forward to calling you every day and night but now I just anxiously look at my phone in hopes that you might text me back. I can’t focus in any of my classes because you’re the only thing that’s on my mind. All the memories and activities we loved doing together, I almost faint realizing I’m not allowed to experience any of that with you anymore. I’ve been strictly listening to the playlist I made for you, for all I know you probably looked at it once and it might not have even made you shed a tear. It hurts knowing how willing you were to leave, and it hurts, even more, knowing I could’ve easily prevented it…

I haven’t gone this long without sleeping since my grandfather passed away, that just goes to show the degree of how badly this loss is affecting me. I don’t tell you “I feel like shit” when you ask me how I feel because I’m trying to guilt you into taking me back, It’s because I made a vow to be completely honest with you. I realized if I want to change I have to stick with my morales one by one, I wish you could notice even the slightest details I’m making in order to earn you back. Besides, I don’t want you to take me back because you feel bad for me, I want you to take me back because you’re able to see the fire inside me that burns for you. I was debating on whether it would be better If I pretend I’m okay for your sake, but I can’t stand lying to you anymore.

My heart aches at the thought of you not being mine anymore. The idea that I won’t have you as my backbone and my number 1 supporter chips away at my mental state. The regret and anger I hold for allowing myself to lose and hurt you draw me closer every day towards leaving this world. You mean so much to me, I want to tell you how much you matter and why you’re the epitome of joy itself in this world. I want to turn my wrongs into rights by treating you like the beautiful, caring, and precious queen you are.

People keep telling me I have to learn to let go, and that if I love you I need to truly let you leave. But those people don’t see what I see. I see a woman that sacrifices everything for the people she loves just so they can be happy. I see a woman that has so much potential, worth, and value. I see a woman who’s been through a load of pain, suffering, and countless tears. I’m the reason for those moments of sorrow and sadness. 

You gave me so many chances, I wasted each one. I realized too late what I wanted and what I needed to do and that regret is going to hurt like a knife in my gut for the rest of my life. If there was a way to get you to see my pure intentions as of today, maybe you would allow me back into the void in your heart that I wrongfully created. I thought I was ready to let you go, but I realized I love you way too much to give up on you. 

I want to be a better man for you, I should have had that mindset the entire time but I was selfish and careless. If I had one wish, for anything in the world, it’s for you to see that there is still hope bestilled inside me. I would do just about anything at this point to get you to see that I'm genuinely willing to change and better myself as a person for you. I’m willing to go through all the time and effort all over again just to prove to you that I’m worth one last final chance.  

I know you’ll probably never read this, there’s a reason why I wrote it here on my old Tumblr instead my secret priv. I wish you would come home Ivy, I miss holding you and having someone to rely on. I know I need to learn how to be independent but I know for a fact I can still do it with you by my side. You told me you will always love me, I know you still do, I hope you still do. So many things I’m willing to cooperate on whatever is necessary in order to be the relationship we should’ve been before my ignorance and selfishness corrupted it.

I’m praying every day that the love you hold for me will be strong enough for you to believe in me once again. I miss you so much Ivy I’m torn into a thousand pieces and am slowly losing the willpower to piece myself back together. I don’t want to be in a world without you in it. I love you so much, hopefully, soon I’ll be given the chance to show you just how much of it I hold for you.

itsjust-anotherblog:

steakpanties:

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(Source: vygandonut)